Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's top entertainers used their airtime ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins everything he touches."

The focus was the controversial initiative that allows overseas citizens to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. A government page guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best background check the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.